Karen Rae Busbey – March 16, 1954 – April 20, 2002 – Remembering My Mom

20 04 2011

Nine years ago today, I was dealing with a wealth of emotions that threatened to overwhelm me. To this day, it still doesn’t quite seem real, and it still overwhelms me at times. In the very early hours of April 20, 2002, my mom, Karen Rae Busbey, went to be with her Lord after a six-month battle with pancreatic cancer. I can still remember the hours in the hospital on April 19 as we watched and waited for what appeared to be the inevitable conclusion. My mom had stopped breathing in her home in Radnor, Ohio, around noon on April 19 while a Hospice worker was making her first visit to my parents’ home. My mom never regained consciousness so we never had a real chance to say goodbye, a fact that still brings me to tears now as I am writing this. I can only pray that she somehow knew we were there for those hours she was unconscious in the hospital. I can only pray that she knew how loved she was and how much of an influence she was in the lives of her family and all those she knew.

For most of her adult life, my mom taught various Sunday School classes at whatever church my dad was serving. I know there are hundreds of adults out there across the country who were impacted in some way by my mom’s influence. She loved kids and was very loving and patient with them, no matter what challenges they may have presented. I really wish my mom would have lived long enough to see all her grandkids. Unfortunately, she only got to be a grandma for two years before she died. I know she would have been a great influence on the lives of all her grandkids. They may not know it, but they surely are missing the grandmother figure that she would have been in their lives.

Last year on this day, I wrote a blog about my Mom. You can find it here if you want to read more about the great woman my mom was. One year later, I have to say, the pain and hurt have not diminished any more unfortunately. However, I think there are more times when I can remember her or think about her without having tears, so I guess that is a good sign.

I can not wait for the day when we all will be reunited in Heaven. Eric Clapton said there will be no more tears in Heaven. And I know the verse in Revelations that says there will be no more crying in Heaven, but given the context, I can’t help but think that it is talking about tears of sorrow and pain. Because I can’t believe there won’t be tears of joy and elation when we see loved ones we have missed and when we finally see our Savior face to face.

Mom, I hope you can see down from Heaven and feel and know just how loved you are. I love you lots and miss you lots.

In the weeks before Mom died, I started writing a song expressing some of these feelings, and also sharing God’s answers to my feelings. I read the lyrics to it at Mom’s funeral. I’ve never song the song in public. In fact, I don’t think anyone has ever heard it but me. I sing it to myself in my head all the time. I shared this last year, so I apologize if you’ve seen it before, but going to share the words here again. Please pray for me and my family today if you read this. I know we all would appreciate it.

In God’s Hands

Into every life a little rain must fall.
But I’m drowning in this flood.
I don’t understand, God, how You could let this be.
How can this be Your will.

Why did she have to go?
Please God, let me know.

She heard Your voice, God. She tried to do Your will.
Your words were her way.
She loved like You did, giving of herself
Each and every day

Why did she have to go?
Please God, let me know.

Then I heard my mother saying,

Don’t cry for me
Cause I’m not alone
Don’t cry for me
Cause I’m going home
Even though I’m gone, I want you to know
I’m always in God’s hands.

But what about me, God. How can I go on?
I need my mother here.
To help me, to guide me down all life’s bumpy roads.
When the way’s not clear.

Why did she have to go?
Please God, let me know.

Then God answered, My child, I understand.
I truly know your pain.
I sent My son to die, hanging on a cross
So you could live again.

That’s why He had to go.
I wanted you to know.

Then I heard my mother saying,

Don’t cry for me
Cause I’m not alone
Don’t cry for me
Cause I’m going home
Even though I’m gone, I want you to know
You’re always in God’s hands.

Now I say to your Mom, your job is complete.
You’ve run the good race.
God has decided it’s time to go home.
You’ll see that glorious place.

Thank you mom for showing me the way.
I know I’ll see you again some day.

Then my mother heard me saying.

Don’t cry for me.
Cause I’m not alone
Don’t cry for me.
SOme day I’ll come home.
Even though you’re gone, I want you to know
I’m always in God’s hands.
I’m always in God’s hands.




2 responses

20 04 2011
Nancy Wasen

you know me well enough to know I am not a religious person but I do believe in love and I sure can see you loved your mom. What a great thing to have someone you love so much that you still miss so greatly after all these years. I feel the same about my dad and can sure relate.
Thanks for sharing. I find in the sharing it takes away a tiny bit of the pain.

20 04 2012
Karen Rae Busbey, March 16, 1954 – April 20, 2002 « Tim's World

[…] my life and the life of hundreds of other people in her life. You can read my last two blog posts here and here if you are […]

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